You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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