I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
