is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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