He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
