he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
