Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Someone shit on the floor
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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