i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
