I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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