I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
