We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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