dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
