Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
