Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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