How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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