The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
