My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
