we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
