My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
