Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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