When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
