Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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