I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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