In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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