i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
