My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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