I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Houston, we have a blender
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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