since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
