got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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