her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
