I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
