I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
