All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
