They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
