I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
