my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
