he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
