and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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