to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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