When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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