It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
