he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
