So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
