Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
