he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
