So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have so many feelings about this burrito
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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