I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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