I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
