My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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