break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
