Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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