There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
