Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize