It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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