Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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