like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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