if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
