i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
