my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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