I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
